If you you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I’m pretty candid when I talk about the my experiences as a stepmom.  I pride myself on being raw and real about the trials and tribulations that come with this role, all while keeping a positive attitude. 

Well apparently last week a couple of women weren’t digging the whole positive attitude thing. 

In fact, one woman said that The KICK-ASS STEPMOM Community (my positive, solution-focused Facebook Group for stepmoms) was too rainbows & butterflies for her. 

Another woman not so graciously sent me an email that said,

“When I saw your page and read some of it, I almost feel jealous that you have a normal step situation, but honestly some of what I read feels superficial…. not everything is made better with a positive attitude and the rule of 5’s”

Like I said above, I AM all about having a positive attitude, even in the toughest times.

I preach it, swear by it, and do my best to try and keep perspective when things get tough…. 

But look, the woman who called me superficial was right. Not everything is made better with a positive attitude and the rule of 5’s 

Rule of 5
This is a game changing rule I learned from a fellow stepmom who has completed The KICK-ASS STEPMOM Project.
She said, when times get tough she asks herself,
Will this matter in 5 minutes?
Will this matter in 5 days?
Will this matter in 5 years.?..

… and then reacts accordingly! It’s a sure way to stop sweating the small stuff!

Even though this “rainbows & unicorns attitude”  won’t make your stepfamily stressors go away, I  stand by my belief that the way you look at and respond to stressful situations, can make all the the difference in the world. 

In life, when you’re faced with a stressful situation, you have a choice. You can wallow and dwell on things that are absolutely outside of your control… or you can find a way to thrive amongst all the {excuse my French} B*LLSHIT that you have to deal with.

The choice is yours. 

Look, I don’t always post nitty gritty details about my own personal struggles, because I am very cognizant about how what I write affects the people in my family. The internet is forever, and I refuse to air my dirty laundry online.

But make no mistake, it’s not always rainbows & unicorns. From my experiences as a child of divorce all the way to a stepmom, like many of you, I have experienced abandonment, personal attacks, high-conflict situations, heartache and even accusations. 

But about four years ago, I decided that I wasn’t going to wallow in the stressors that “I signed up for” in my blended family life anymore. I wasn’t going to sit around and dwell. I was going to find a way to live a KICK-ASS LIFE no matter what. 

If I didn’t make that choice, I don’t know where I’d be today, but something tells me it would be a very unhappy, bitter and resentful place.

I did A LOT of work. I did A LOT of research. I did a lot of personal development. The outcome for me and my family was game changing. 

It changed my marriage. It changed my relationship with my stepchildren. It changed my relationship with myself and it even changed my relationship with my husband’s ex-wife. 

 As you’ve heard me say again and again, my search for support inspired me to create the type of support I was looking for when I was an overwhelmed & stressed out stepmom wondering what the heck I was thinking marrying a man with three kids. 

It’s still not all “rainbows and unicorns”. The stressors are still pretty much the same as they were.  The difference is in the way we allow them to affect our family. 

It goes back to what I said above, when you are faced with a stressful situation in life, you have a choice! This was mine. 

Being positive doesn’t mean I am superficial, living a fairytale, or that I am naive to a lot of the stressors that people are dealing with. Not at all. It’s just the way I choose to go about my life…

So if my positive attitude is too superficial, or rainbows and butterflies for you…. don’t let the door hit you on the way out! (metaphorically speaking of course) 

This blog just ain’t for you! 

With love,
From the “superficial” stepmom who refuses to give anyone else power over her happiness! 

Hey Stepmom, are you tired of feeling overwhelmed, unsure, resentful and like no one understands how tough this stepmom gig is? That’s exactly how I felt seven years ago.

It’s also the reason why I created The Exclusive Stepmom Community – a private online community for stepmoms seeking community inspiration & solution-focused support.