My husband is 13 years older than me.
When we got together, he was 40 and I was 26
We have been together for almost three years now.
He grows older, and I grow older – the age difference remains the same.
Throughout our time together, I have been subject to many many comments about my age and our age difference.
When I reflect back on these comments, I notice one common denominator… they seem to come from middle-aged women.
Now when I told my husband I was going to write this post, his exact words were “now don’t go pissing off your middle-aged women readers”
I want to make it clear, that is not the intention of this post. In fact, this is directed to a small small percentage of “middle-aged women”…. And really, I am only trying to put something into perspective.
The comments about my age, and the age difference with my husband, seem to come with an underlying tone that I shouldn’t be taken seriously, I am just young & inexperienced… A Poptart if you will.
Actually, the name Poptart is a prime example of this disrespect.
Shortly after I began dating my husband, I was not so graciously referred to as his “Poptart” for a significant period of time. I embraced it (hence the name of the blog), but when you really think about it, the name was pretty demeaning.
Imagine I referred to a woman my senior as an “old bird” … I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t have gone over well.
Most recently, not once but twice, a woman said “well you’re like 12″ (referring to my age).
Well, I’m not 12, I’m 29. But I get that she was exaggerating to make a joke…. Ha. Ha
But now, would it be funny if I said “well you’re like eighty” in reference to her age? I anticipate the answer is no.
I’ll give another example so I can really hit this one home.
A while back, I was standing with my husband when a woman came up to us, looked at him and asked “ohhhh how old IS she?” (old enough to answer questions about her thank you very much!)
What if I walked up to a middle-aged man with a middle-aged girlfriend, squinted my eyes, gave her an up and down and asked “ohhhhh how old is SHE?”
It’s not appropriate in Society to talk about middle-aged women’s age. In fact it’s been deemed taboo. But somehow it is okay to make comments and jokes about younger women, especially when they are with an older man.
But it’s not okay. It’s insulting and belittling, whether it’s intentional or not.
To me, aging is a beautiful thing! Yes women who are older than me have more wrinkles on their face. They may or may not have more grey hair. But I don’t look at that as a negative thing. These women have more life experience, more life lessons and wisdom that I want to soak right up!
My favourite nights have been sitting around chatting with my husbands friends wives about their tips and strategies for parenting, and dealing with shenanigans their husbands have put them through. They make me laugh and teach me so much!
But when I end up having to spend time with one who makes passive aggressive digs about my age, lack of experience or whatever it is, I stop looking at them as beautiful and wise and experienced. I hate to say it, but it makes me buy into that stereotype that paints them as old, bitter and washed up! The exact stereotype that I believe is causing them to make these comments in the first place!
Don’t belittle me for being young. I can’t help my birthday was after yours.
And maybe you think the age difference between my husband and I is a little exorbitant, but it’s not really your place to judge that, just like it’s not my place to make judgements on your relationship.
So if you are one of those ladies who makes comments about younger women, just stop. It’s mean, and if anything it speaks more about your confidence in yourself than anything else. Whatever age you are, own it! Be confident in yourself. You are beautiful. Age is just a number!