Before I actually had my baby girl, if you would have asked me if I had any concerns about weight loss post partum, I would have said no. I thought that with breast feeding and exercising the weight would drip off and I would be back to my pre-baby body within two months, tops.

I didn’t give much thought to the new found cellulite I had acquired on my ass and thighs over the previous nine months, or the possibility that because my stomach had taken 9 months to stretch out that big, it may take a little more than a few weeks to make its way back. I didn’t question why somehow my arms had ballooned to twice their earlier size or why my nipples had transformed into something you’d see on aNational Geographic documentary.

In my naïve mind, life after baby would be quite similar to life before baby – just with a baby.

Then I gave birth. And despite everyone telling me that I have bounced back, I have struggled with the fact that the new found cellulite seems to have made itself at home and that my baby belly has transformed into a nicely rounded muffin top.

On top of it all, it seems that breast feeding has taken a huge toll on my boobs, as they now could be described as empty sacs of skin. It seems that the only things that have gone back to their pre-baby size, are the national geographic nipples, however with the empty sacs, they just don’t give off the same look.

For the first two months, on and off, I was obsessed with the scale, weighing myself every morning, and then again after I took a pee…. weighing myself before pumping a bottle of breast milk and then after… praying that SOMETHING would give! After a few days, I began to realize that the idea I would bounce back to that pre baby weight with no effort at all was pretty delusional.

A couple of weeks ago everyone went out on the family boat for the afternoon. I watched the kids and my husband jump off the end of the boat into the water over and over, laughing and having a blast. I didn’t even bring my bathing suit. I had said there was no way I was to subject the world to my “disgustingness”, so I sat there and sweat my sac off while the rest of the family had fun… While the rest of the family made memories.

Today was my baby’s first day in the pool. Even though I have been swearing off bathing suits for weeks, I decided to just rock what I have. It has recently dawned on me… This “disgustingess” is pretty freaking awesome. I grew a baby in my body and the pushed it out of my vagina. Seriously… think about that!

The cellulite on my arse and my double sized arms, are a result of my body beefing up so it had the fuel necessary to grow my beautiful daughter. The muffin tops are the remnants of her previous home. My empty sacs for breasts are the end result of the amazing bonding experience I had with her, something only she and I share. My body is not the same as it was before I had the baby, but it never ever will be! The cellulite my stay or it may go and unless there is some sort of surgical intervention, the empty sacs will only fall lower – but this is all the aftermath of something pretty damn amazing.

So with the decision to rock the bathing suit, I decided I will not try to hide the aftermath of the process. I have made the decision that I will not be so caught up with my body image that I will miss my baby girl’s first time swimming, or second or third or one hundredth.

I have decided that from this point on I will not use the word fat in front of my {step}daughter’s and I will focus on what it means to be healthy instead! Cellulite will not stop me from making memories with my family, I will never be ashamed of it. I will be honoured with what my body has accomplished, national geographic nipples and all!