Do you ever get in a place where you feel really shitty about yourself.
Do you ever get caught up in the comparison game, feeling like everyone else has it all together and are crushing goals, while you're struggling just to get your kids to school on time?
Do you ever feel squeamish about taking a chance or just going for it?
Do you ever feel like you're straight up not confident in yourself, who you are and/or what you're doing:
Who am I kidding, of course you have. You're human... and we've all felt a little low in the confidence department at one point or another!
Confidence is key to success in so many areas of life, but the problem is, for many it doesn't come naturally.
Like anything important in life, it's something you have to work really hard at ... and when all else fails, we have fake it 'till you make it! (Seriously, you'd be surprised JUST how many people are faking it, trust me.)
To be honest with you, I can only JUST say that I have become a confident person and still that's not the case every day. For the longest time I was putting on an act, pretending like I was sure of myself, while behind-the-scenes I was questioning anything and everything.
Personally I think building self confidence goes hand-in-hand with not allowing other people's opinions to shape how you live your life. If you need a little pep talk you'll want to check out THIS blog post too!
But today, in this post, I'm sharing 8 tips for becoming a more confident person - some tips are obvious and expected, and others are not so obvious and expected.
Either way, if you're feeling a little low in the confidence department lately, take a read!
1. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO LIFT YOU UP...
Like I said in a previous post, How to stop caring what other people think about you, there is a quote that says
Growing up, my dad always used to tell me, "birds of a feather flock together" ... seriously, it was like his GO-TO line!
As a teenager I thought it was lame and wrong.
As an adult, mother and entrepreneur, I've experienced first hand just how true it is.
If the people you're surrounding yourself, intentionally (or unintentionally) make you feel down, it may be time to re-evaluate how much time you spend with them.
Remember, your time is a valuable and limited resources. You can't get it back. Choose the way you spend it wisely.
2. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FEED
Just like the people we spend time with in real life, our social media feeds can really influence the way we feel about ourselves. A rule that I like to follow is,
Chances are, looking at the highlight reels and perfectly curated feeds will just add fuel to the fire.
I also recommend that you take some time and tailor your social media feeds so that they inspire and motivate you.
On Facebook, if you're following peoples who's picture perfect life or posts make you question your own life. Click the little arrow beside the post and choose "hide all posts" - You can stay friends with them but won't see their posts unless you go directly to their feed.
On the same note, on Instagram, go through and unfollow any of the feeds that don't inspire you or make you feel something positive.
3. LOOK AT YOURSELF THROUGH THE EYES OF YOUR BIGGEST SUPPORTER
We often don't see ourselves as others see us. We see the flaws, the insecurities, the mistakes and the times we have fallen short of our goals. Sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit.
To give you an example I'm going to tell you a short story from my uncle's funeral almost two years ago.
My sister and I were standing in the procession line, seeing people we haven't seen in years. People from our childhood would come up, give their condolences and then ask us what we've done with our lives. Beside me, my sister would tell them about her nursing career and her teaching job at a local college and how she was straight up crushing life. (My sister is an absolute all-star by the way and is one of the most hard working people that I know)
I, feeling super self conscious, would then say "I am a stay at home Mom"
Which isn't true.
Yes I am a mom and I stay at home, but my kid is in daycare, my stepchildren are at school and I actually spend most of my days creating content and building this online platform.
When I got into the car and told my husband how sh*tty the whole thing made me feel, he was straight up mad at me. He said, "you're not a stay at home mom (which there is nothing wrong with, it's just not an accurate description of what I do), you're a writer, you're content creator, you're an influencer (I'm still surprised he knew that term), you're an entrepreneur, and you're a Life Coach with a very niche specialization... Do you not get what you do?"
My eyes widened. This rocked me. He was right. I do all of those things, but I never ever saw myself that way.... until then!
My point? Are you seeing yourself the way that others see you? Are you giving yourself credit for all that you do and all that you've accomplished?
4. SET TINY ACHIEVABLE GOALS
When you're setting goals, don't make crazy long terms goals like "I'm going to work out every single day for the next year". It's unrealistic!
While the intention is good, you're setting yourself up to fail and then feel even crappier about yourself!
Start by setting tiny achievable goals, such as "I'm going too work-out today" or "I'm going to work out three days this week" , and you're more likely to be successful.
(For the record, as I edit this blog post at 5:30 this morning, reading this just inspired me to set tiny goals for my work-out for the next four days) I just committed to four work-outs, and am scheduling them into my calendar and so that I have no excuses. One of my favourite quotes from Marie Forleo is, "If it's not scheduled, it's not real"
SIDEBAR: If you're looking to make positive change in your life I highly recommend reading The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. A good, good read with lots of tangible tips and attitude shifts.
I know I know, but seriously it works. Time and time again research has shown that people who exercise regularly have higher self-esteem. Exercise boosts endorphins, improves mood and puts us in a more positive space.
Not to mention the improvements we see in our body long term. You know what they say, "look good, feel good"
6. EAT YOUR VEGETABLES + MAKE HEALTHY CHOICES
I don't know about you, but even though it seems like a good idea at the time, I never feel great about myself after eating a burger and fries.... In fact, when I get into periods of unhealthy choices I feel blah, unmotivated and like a complete slug.
Fuel your body and you're bound to feel better about yourself
7. COMPLIMENT OTHER PEOPLE + DO RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS
It feels so good to help other people, and to make them feel good about themselves. It's like a win/win.
Plus karma does nice things for people who are nice.
Buy a stranger coffee
Write a loved one a letter and tell them just how much you appreciate them
Donate to a charity
Volunteer your time at a local charity
Tell a random stranger on the street that you love her dress
Little acts of kindness ripple into our world, and well, I think that we can all agree that our world needs a little more nice!
8. CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Maybe this will sound too abrupt, but I kind of want it to be. If you aren't happy with your life and where you're at, MAKE A CHANGE
Do something different. Sit down and figure out exactly what you want to do and do whatever it takes to make it happen.
So often we sit around blaming circumstances and other people for the current state of our life. While I do recognize that there are many external factors that affect our lives, I do firmly believe that at the end of the day YOU and ONLY you are responsible for your happiness!
So if you want to make a change, do the work to make it happen!