This post was originally sent out to my exclusive email list. Every week I send out an EXCLUSIVE email to stepmoms on my list, with tips, strategies and personal stories that never make it to the blog! If you’re not already on the list, you can sign up HERE!
Before you go into another week, I want to tell you something.
For some it may sound a bit dramatic, but for others, it will be just what you need.
As I’m sure you’ve already figured out, being a stepmom can be HARD.
You’ve probably experienced emotions that you didn’t know were possible.
You’ve probably felt so overwhelmed by things you can’t control that you felt like you were going to be physically sick.
I get it. I’ve been there.
During the first year of step-motherhood I was so consumed by my stepfamily stressors that my hands would literally shake.
There were times that I was so consumed, that I literally couldn’t focus on anything else. My “to do” lists went untouched and I was a complete freakin’ basket-case.
It affected the way I showed up for my husband, my stepkids and my daughter. It affected the way I showed up for myself.
like no one in my circle understood what I was going through
like I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t
like my whole life has been decided without my input
like I was good enough until I wasn’t
like I had no control
like my husband just didn’t get it
Now, I can honestly say that while many of stepfamily stressors remain the same, everything is different.
The stressors no longer affect me the way they used to. I feel confident and in control of my life.
If you learn one thing from my emails or blogs posts, please let it be this.
It is entirely possible to transform the dynamics of your stepfamily, even the most high conflict situations. It is entirely possible to live a KICK-ASS life amongst all the stressors that come with being a stepmom.
I’ll say that again.
It is entirely possible to live a KICK-ASS life amongst all the stressors that come with being a stepmom.
I know some of you are sitting there thinking to yourself, “No Jamie, you don’t understand. Things are really bad. We’re at the point of no return”
”His ex wife is really __________”
”The stepkids are really __________”
My husband just really ________________”
I DO understand. I’ve connected with and worked with countless stepmoms with co-parenting dynamics that would BLOW YOUR MIND.
Seriously, I’m not BSing you here!
No matter what your stepfamily dynamic looks like, if you want change, that’s on you!
Sitting around bitching about how hard being a stepmom is, will NOT make being a stepmom any easier!
You have to change your mindset, your reactions, the way you approach the relationships AND the way you take care of yourself and your family.
It sounds fluffy, and a tad dramatic, but it’s true.
So true that I’ve literally made it my mission to show you how.
This is the point of the email, where I should write a whole blurb about how and why my book will help you make that happen for you… but I’m not going to do that..
If you want to buy the book, you’ll buy the book.
If you want change, you’ll do the work to make it happen.
I don’t care if you implement change through the tips and strategies outlined in my resources, or whether you dive into other books like Girl Wash Your Face or The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck: the Counterintuitive Approach To Living A Good Life The only thing that I care about is that you begin to understand that change starts with you.
So really, you have a choice. You can decide that you’re ready for change…
or you can carry on the same way you have been… and wait for your husband to “get it”, or his ex-wife to stop doing whatever it is she does that causes you so much grief.
You can cross your fingers that your stepkids will being to respect you, or that your mother-in-law will start to see you as a parental figure in your stepkid’s lives.
The choice is totally up to you.
I’ve seen how both options play out! I personally choose the first..
But if you’re going with the second option, I want to say just one last thing. You need to know that
You can’t control how other people act, the only thing you can control is your own reactions
Trying to do so, or waiting for other people to see the world through your lens, will be a long frustrating process. One that I am willing to bet, won’t end the way you want it to!
… and I say that with love!