What do you get when you combine:

a new born baby
three step-kids
a husband who for some reason doesn’t have the ability to read minds
a big birthday party where your baby is being passed around like a hot potato
a right breast that is pulsating due to over supply of milk
a mangled vagina
about three hours of sleep a night
raging hormones
newly acquired full body sweats
with a new mama who 10 days post partum, is still trying to figure out how people are trusting her with this tiny tiny little baby

You get…. A trip to Snapsville.

Yep, that’s right, this weekend I snapped. It was short-lived, and followed by pure embarrassment and sincere apologies. But for a few minutes, at the very end of the day, I literally wanted to take “my” baby, get in my car and drive far far away!

For the past couple days I have been thinking about my snap. My husband for some reason didn’t think it was that big of a deal, and my family, for the most part, was supportive reminding me of the constant state of change my life has been in for the past two years. They acknowledge that things are pretty stressful right now as I try and figure out how to be both a mother and a step-mother, and basically told me not to worry about it.

But still I have been reflecting, as I tend to do from time to time. A couple years ago I had to figure out how to re-arrange and manage my life to be kid friendly! Having only babysat a handful of times I had to learn how to act around kids, manage a household and function in some what of an organized fashion. Shortly after feeling like I have that under wraps, I need to figure out how to incorporate an unpredictable little baby, who DID NOT come with an owners manual, into the mix.

They say I am doing great and my husband doesn’t think I have gone as craycray as I feel, but still the perfectionist (aka anal control freak) in me doesn’t feel like I have things under control. But you know what? That’s is okay!! It’s okay to have to excuse yourself to go and have a cry, hyperventilate or scream into a pillow. A trip to Snapsville, as long as it is short-lived and accompanied but a lesson or two, is okay too! Parenting is hard. Hard as hell!! You do what you have to do to get by, and as far as I am concerned, bottling up your craziness is the sure key for disaster, so if you need to have a meltdown here and there, let it rip!

My cousin referred to the first few months after a baby is brought home as being in “survival mode”, and I couldn’t agree more. It’s about making it through the day, learning a bit here and there and hoping to hell that tomorrow is just a little easier

On another note, here are a couple of the newborn photos shot by the amazingly patient Heather of HRM Photography. I am a little biased, and may have turned into the gushing mama who won’t stop posting pics of her baby, but I just cannot get enough of this little girl!