The year 2014 was the best year of my life. Hands down.
I know that many mothers say that about the year their child is born. And yes, Reese’s birth absolutely contributed to the feeling of happiness & satisfaction I get when I reflect back on this year.
But it is not Reese, or my fabulous and supportive husband, or the three beautiful step-children I am so privileged to have in my life, that brought me to this place. Something inside of me has changed.
My parents separated when my siblings and I were very young, and as I’ve grown older and I have come to acknowledge that I WAS your typical angry child of divorce. In fact, as an adult I still may be.
I look back and remember a time where my family was perfect, with a perfectly tidy house, perfectly planned meals and perfectly arranged holidays, perfect family activities. But then all of a sudden all of that was gone.
I hope saying this doesn’t offend either of my parents, but when I was a kid I remember wishing that I had two parents at my soccer games, and that my mom was on the committee at school who did the attendance in the morning and handed out the cupcakes on Pizza Day. I remember, deep down, even though I never said it out loud, even though I said I didn’t care, I wished we still had our “perfect family”
So when I embarked on this step-mother journey unconsciously I made the decision to strive for that perfect fairy tale family that I remember I once had As a (step)mother I would do what I could to make sure everything was perfect by making fabulous lunches, doing it up for each and every holiday, having a tidy and organized house, having wonderful snacks waiting when the kids got off the bus. I wanted that picture perfect life!
However, this goal of mine, has at times turned me into … well… an anal control freak! And let’s be serious, no one is making “picture perfect” memories when they have to deal with that!
In the last year I’ve realized that perfection isn’t possible and that is okay! My life isn’t perfect, and it never will be! But no one’s is!
And as soon as I came to terms with that, I was able to see the beauty of being “Perfectly Imperfect“. I have been able to sit back and enjoy the special moments that pass us by so quickly. The board games, the silliness, the amazingly fun impromptu nights that can only happen when you’re flying by the seat of your pants, and how friggen lucky I am to be surrounding by such amazingly supportive and empowering friends and family!
This year we rang in the new year on a family ski trip at our favourite ski resort. The night started with impromptu appetizers and drinks with another couple and their boy. A year ago, this impromptu night would have sent me for an absolute spiral. I didn’t have time to make recently pinned appetizers, nor did I have the perfect serving platters! I didn’t plan it. I didn’t have a list!
This year, I didn’t think twice! I chopped up what we had in the chalet and threw whatever into bowls. Even my husband commented on my “flexibility”.
As I rang in 2015, watching a beautiful firework show with our family & friends, after we ate my appetizers of Chips & Dip and a Walmart Veggie Tray, I realized my definition of “perfect” had drastically changed. Perfection isn’t planned! And it’s nothing I can strive for… if only I had stopped worrying about being the “perfect” (step)mother, and stopped stressing about the neat and tidy house, and amazing meals and the perfectly planned holidays, I would have realized that I got my wish of a Perfect Family the very day I committed myself to this crazy life!
Happy New Year Everyone!