Photo Cred: Dana Ruby Martin Photography 

Photo Cred: Dana Ruby Martin Photography 

The other day someone asked me if I hide my blog from my stepchildren's mom.

The answer is no, not at all. 

In fact, even if I wanted to, I'm not entirely sure how one would hide something on the internet. It's kind of public. 

But I absolutely understand why one would ask. 
  
Openly talking about step-parenting and challenges that come with blended family life, is still somewhat taboo.

While the internet is saturated with the real life struggles that come with motherhood, as stepmoms, we're expected to keep our mouths shut.

Again, I get it... 

It's complicated.
There are often a lot of emotions involved.
Different values, different options.
Different perspectives.

We're talking about real life personal stuff here.
And often "someone else's kids"

There are still a lot of assumptions and stereotypes about the "evil stepmother", the reasons behind a demise of a marriage, and the role that a stepmother plays within the home. 

Even with the increasing number of blended families in on Society, as a stepmom blogger, it's an uphill battle.

But what I am trying to do here,  is open up the conversation about blended family life, and debunk those stereotypes. 

I want to be real and transparent about life in this modern day family and provide support to a community of women (stepmoms) who often feel like their left out to dry. 

________

When I first started this blog I knew I was walking a fine line. I wanted to open up the conversation while still respecting all the people in my life.

Just like in our blended family life, boundaries are key. 

Which is why at the very beginning I set some strict rules for myself, that even with evolution of this blog and the ebbs and flows of our stepfamily life, I continue to abide by.  

1. I ONLY WRITE ABOUT TOPICS I AM COMFORTABLE WITH MY FAMILY READING .... 

I have nothing to hide.

Heck I recently got a notification that my stepson subscribed to my YouTube channel - which I am totally okay with!

I'm all about being real and transparent, in the most respectable way possible. 

If I did end up writing something that my family wasn't okay with, I would take it down immediately. They are my number one. 

2. I ASK MY HUSBAND FOR PERMISSION

I'm an open book. That's clear. I would share my deepest and darkest secrets with the world, without thinking twice.

But my husband is actually a very private person. So there are topics that I'd love to write about, that he prefers to keep between us - which is something I respect. 

That's why I run most of my HOT topics by him before I write the post. For the most part, if he's not okay with it, it doesn't get shared!

3. I ASK MY STEPCHILDREN FOR PERMISSION

On a similar note, I am constantly asking my stepkids if they are comfortable with me posting about them, especially before I post a picture or video.

As I wrote in a recent post,  The REAL Reason I Post More Pictures Of My Daughter Than My Stepchildren

"I tread lightly when it comes to involving my stepchildren in my blog and social media posts. I respect that even though I have made the decision to share my story with the world (a decision they are all fully supportive of by the way), this decision is mine and not theirs.  

.... I respect their boundaries. When I do take a photo of them, I ask their permission before I go ahead and post.

99.9999% of the time, the answer is YES, and they look at me wondering why I asked, but for me, consent is important! 

They are tween/teenagers. They have a say about what shared about them on the internet"

4. I DON'T USE MY STEPCHILDREN'S NAMES

You may have noticed that I use my daughters name, but never my stepchildren's. 

It's a boundary that their Mom set at the very beginning. A boundary that I respect and completely understand. 

5. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE WILL I WRITE ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT MY HUSBAND'S EX-WIFE

When people hear that I write about my experiences in {step}motherhood, they automatically think about my husband's ex. "What does she think of your blog" is a question I get ALL OF THE TIME. 

I understand why people's mind goes there. There is this assumption that I am writing about turf war drama and ex-wife wars. I'm not.

It's just where where Society's head is at.  

First of all, that's not an issue for us. 
Second of all, if it was, I wouldn't write about it. 

As I wrote in "Why You Should Stop Bashing Your Husband's Ex Wife On The Internet - RIGHT NOW" , under no circumstance will I ever write anything negative about my husband's ex wife on the internet. 

  • She is the mother of three of the most important people in my life - disrespecting her, disrespects them.
  • Her story is not my story to share. 
  • While co-parenting isn’t the easiest thing in the world, we are all on the same team - with a common goal (... these kiddos) 
  • She has been very supportive of me, this blog, and my relationship with the kids - even if I wanted to stoop to that level, there really isn’t much negative to write about
  • I am a grown ass woman, a mother, a step-mother and a role model with little eyes watching me all the time. If I am writing negative things about someone on the internet, what message does that send to the kids?

This blog isn't about my husband's first wife. 

It's about me and my experiences in {step}motherhood.


6. EMPATHY

I constantly remind myself that there are two (or more) sides to every story.

The way that I experience things in our stepfamily life, is very different than the way my husband, my stepchildren and their Mom experiences it. We all look at the world from our own lens.

When I am writing and reflecting on our stepfamily life, I constantly ask myself "What is this like from their perspective?" 

It really does help. 

 

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