At the beginning of March my hot and fabulous husband reminded me that we were coming up on the 3rd anniversary of our first date! (Gawd I love this man!)
When I think back to that first date, I can’t help but smile. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew is that he was much older & a total babe! 3 years later, here I am!
This month we’ve chatted a lot about the past 3 years. Let me tell you, when a single girl moves in with a man with 3 kids and an ex-wife, there are certainly some growing pains! In fact we anticipate that our first 2 years together will be the hardest years of our relationship (Let’s hope anyways!)
We’ve chatted a lot about what’s made our relationship work, especially when all odds (or most of them anyways) were against us! Turns out, second marriages come with a whole load of stressors that first marriages don’t have.
I talk a lot about how hard parenting is. And a marriage is right up there with it. Sometimes as parents, we get so focused on the parenting piece that we forget about nurturing our relationship! This is a huge mistake for many reasons, the top 2 being:
1. The kids will eventually grow up and move out (well hopefully) and it will just be the two of you. If you’ve gone through the previous twenty years focusing just on being parents together, what happens to your relationship when parenting is no longer your number one job?
2. When you nurture your relationship and feel connected with you partner, you are a better team which makes you better parents! And let’s be serious, when you’re nurturing your relationship you’re having more S-E-X, and when you’re having more S-E-X you’re a whole lot happier, which in turn makes you way more successful in everything else that you do! WIN WIN WIN and WIN!
So here are our TOP 4 TIPS for having a HAPPY, HEALTHY & SUCCESSFUL Relationship
(tips that again, I assure you, were learned thought a whole lot of growing pains & adjustment periods, and a few BIG mistakes!)
1. We fight
Yes that’s right, number one… we do fight. I’m not talking about a full-fledged blow out (however we have had some of those too), what I am saying is that when an issue comes up, we put it on the table… like right away. If we disagree on something, or are feeling some sort of injustice, we hash it out right then and there! We do that, and then we get over it and move on! We always know where each other stands and we are always working towards finding a happy medium!
So many people bite their tongue when they are upset at something that their partner has said or done (a skill that believe it or not, I have never been particularly good at). Biting your tongue can be a good thing, however many times in relationships, the issues pile up until one day an empty toilet paper roll sends you right over the edge and you end up fighting about everything that has pissed you off for the past six months! Then you’re fighting and you don’t even know what the heck you’re fighting about… and well, nothing ends up getting solved!
2. We Take “Alone Time”
We grab that whenever we can. Date nights, scheduled movie nights after the kids are in bed & weekends away… we are on top of this! We’ve been criticized for having a lot of time away for a couple with so many kids to take care of, but for us it works. It gives us time to reconnect and chat about how things are going in a stress free environment. Serious talks are always much easier when you have them over cocktails and a nice dinner. And when we come back, we are rejuvenated and so much more attentive to the little people in our lives!
3. We Share Problems
His problems are my problems & my problems are his problems. We are a team and when something comes up for either of us, we figure out how we can solve it together!
Having been married before, he tends to have WAY more issues come up than I do. (Refer back to where I said second marriages have more stressors that first marriages). Many of my friends have said “don’t worry about it, it’s not your problem” – Not in our minds! Because if he has a problem, he’s stressed and upset and not at his best, and that ultimately affects our family (and vice versa)
4. We Do The Deed
My jaw used to drop when women would tell me they were too tired to get it on. I couldn’t understand! Let’s be serious, it doesn’t take THAT long.
But then I had a baby. I finally understood what it meant to be “too tired”. It was a legit thing! But I’ve learned, just like a your work-out, you have to TRY and find time to get it done get it on.
Chances are you’re not going to regret it.
… we have a few more tips, but when it comes to a good blog post, the key is to be short and sweet! So they will have to wait!
Until next time I’ll leave you with some … “homework”, if you will. Some time in the next week, schedule in some alone time with your man, and hey, while you’re at it why not do the wild thing?!
Like I said above…
When you nurture your relationship and feel connected with you partner, you are a better team which makes you better parents! And when you’re nurturing your relationship you’re having more S-E-X, and when you’re having more S-E-X you’re a whole lot happier, which in turn makes you more successful in everything else that you do!
Have a great weekend!
(boooom shacka wah wah)
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