When I got married, I was excited about marrying the man of my dreams. Lucky enough, I still am!
We are going to do life together. We are going to make our dreams come true together.
We will love each other, support each other and live our own version of happily ever after.
That’s what everyone expects when they get married.
Love. The Fairytale. All that…
The thing is, I don’t think that many people walk down the isle thinking about the tough times ahead.
When I say that, I mean REALLY considering what the inevitable challenges of marriage may look and feel like.
But I thought of that too!
In addition to all the mushy, gushy dream come true stuff I mentioned above, I knew I was signing up for some serious work.
When my husband got down on one knee, and then again a few months later when I walked down the isle, I knew that this marriage thing was NOT going to be easy.
One up on that, I knew that there were going to be times when marriage was going to be down right the most challenging thing that I have ever done.
Maybe this is because I come from a divorced and somewhat dysfunctional family myself, or maybe it’s because this is marriage # 2 for the man of my dreams. Who knows?
All I know is that very early on I came to terms with the fact that some days my husband was going to, for lack of better words, annoy the sh*t right out of me.
I knew that there was a good chance that at some point in our lives, even if it a brief moment, I may not like him that much
(Before you chalk me up as an insensitive person, you should know that I am a big believer that just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you have to like them all the time}
I knew that there is a possibility that at some point giving up may seem easier than working through whatever it is we are going through
I knew that as much as my husband and I are going to create our own version of a fairytale, it isn’t always going to be all hearts and sparkles.
And this is not just because we are a second marriage and have additional stressors that first marriages don’t have…
(Did you know that there is up to a 75% divorce rate for second marriages when kids are involved?)
… But because sometimes marriage is hand down, freaking hard.
I’m no stranger to a Netflix binge and my latest binge worthy show was Grey’s Anatomy.
If you’re not familiar with Greys, Meredith and Derrick, the two main characters, wrote their wedding vows on a post-it and hung it above their bed.
Their vows included….
“I’ll love you even when I hate you”
Some may think those are terrible wedding vows.
After all, hate is a VERY strong word.
Some may say “I have never hated my husband” … and my response to that? Don’t take the word “hate” literally here, I am using it to make a point.
Regardless, I think these vows sum up marriage quite nicely.
In fact, I think if everyone included that little disclaimer in their wedding vows, the divorce rate would go right down!
"I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part... I'll love you even when I hate you!
What do you think?
DISCLAIMER: I am not saying that there are not situations (many situations actually) where a divorce is the right move for a couple and for a family. Not in the least bit. What I am saying is that these days, I think it’s too easy to throw in the towel.
My mother-in-law summed it up quiet nicely one night while we were chatting about life over a glass of wine. She said, when you decide to leave your marriage, you’re just trading in one set of problems for another. It’s important to make sure that trade is worth it!
DISCLAIMER #2: I anticipate that there are some of you reading this and saying “My husband never bugs me” “I never feel that way about my husband” … and while I find that a LITTLE hard to believe, that’s amazing! … just know that you are part of a minority!
DISCLAIMER #3: Some may assume that this post was inspired by rough times, and that perhaps we are going through a bumpy road right now. We're not. Things are great. In fact, they are as close to hearts & sparkles as you can get. But I'm smart enough to know that in marriage, there are ebbs and flows!
DISCLAIMER #4: Before you decide to troll this post, again know I using the term "hate" loosely. Don't take it literally.
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