We’ve been busy.
And tired. Oh so tired.
Conk-out as soon as our head hits the pillow tired... until the toddler comes crawling in our bed that is.
As the years ago by, I've come to realize just how challenging it is to keep the spark in your marriage alive. Especially when you're always on the go, and any alone time that you do have is interrupted by kids.
Don't get me wrong. I love the kids more than anything, but sometimes I just miss my husband.
It's also hard to keep the spark alive when you feel like you're drowning in an endless list of "to-dos". When you feel like you just can't get caught up.
But that's life right? Life as a parent at least!
We've been talking a lot about our relationship lately. Specifically about how we can reignite that spark, amongst all the chaos (and exhaustion) that comes with this phase of our life.
DISCLAIMER: We're not on the rocks, things aren't bad - We just miss the intense butterflies that we had in the newlywed stage. We don't believe that it is something that HAS to fade away.
We don't to become just partners in life - we don't want to lose the romance or that "I want to jump your bones" spark we had at the beginning.
To do that, we've started to actively talk about what we need from each other to bring it back.
If you're thinking "oh my, where is this going Jamie?" Don't you worry. The conversations have been (fairly) PG.
In fact, these conversations have actually become pretty hilarious. Not to mention, a huge reminder of just how DIFFERENT men and women are when it comes to what satisfies them in a relationship.
For example, when I asked my husband what he thinks we could do to get that spark back, he suggested that I give him a massage and rub cream into his feet at the end of the day.
He said it would help him relax and feel connected after a long day.
"So you want me to give you a big massage at the end of the day, even though I am so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open?"
He was kind of joking. Kind of not.
We laughed, and then he asked me what he can to do light the spark with me.
[This was a very similar conversation to the one I told you guys about in my blog post: My Husband Asked What Turns me On, This Is What I Said - You can read it HERE]
Well, when the toilet paper is out, If you could just put the new roll on the holder, instead of resting it on top of the empty one, I would definitely feel like we are more on the same page.
(I think he thought this conversation was going in a different direction)
But I went on...
When I'm elbow deep in the dishes after dinner, and our toddler needs a bath - if you could proactively just take her upstairs and get that started, it would take one thing off my plate at night.... WHICH in turn would increase the chances of me having time to "give you that massage", before I pass out...
He laughed, and said that's probably true!
I went on...
You know how you pile random crap that needs to go down to the basement at the top of the stairs? Well, if you could actually bring it downstairs when you go... it would make a big difference for me.
"Really? How does that help reignite our spark?" He asked
Well, clutter in the house makes me anxious. It makes me feel like I can't get ahead, which in turn makes it hard to relax.
When I feel like the house is in order, it's easier to chill-out. And when I'm relaxed and stress free, it's easier to ... ya know! Light up a spark!
The conversation was pretty funny.
My list was fairly long, while all he really wants is that massage.
All jokes aside, it was a good reminder that what he needs to feel connected is very different than what I need to feel connected. For me, keeping that spark alive starts outside of the bedroom, while for him, not so much.
So we ended on this note. He agrees to scratch my back, and I'll scratch his.
If a massage and physical touch is what he needs... I can work on that.
Because when the crap by the stairs is cleaned up, and the toddler is already in the bath, I actually kind of want to!