A couple of weeks ago I read and re-posted a blog that had gone viral just a few days prior. Above my post I said “warms my heart. This is how it should be”.
Read it. It’s an amazing letter from a mother who basically said that although she never wanted or wished for the step-mother to be in their lives, she has come to appreciate her and be thankful for the role that she plays in raising her child. Throughout the post she referred to her daughter as “our daughter”, a statement that I am sure made some Moms go into a total fit of rage. Personally, I found it admirable.
This weekend while browsing through my newsfeed I saw a response:
I read it and instantly felt sick to my stomach.
In my opinion, the response was completely unnecessary. Why did the author feel the need to overshadow one of the few positive step-mother posts to come out in the media in the last little while? What was the point?
The Open Letter demonstrates that it IS possible for parents to be adults, overcome their adult issues, feelings of resentment and heartbreak and truly look at things from their child’s perspective. I get that the author of the response, who by way has no personal experience with someone being a step-mother to her child, was trying to show that it isn’t all hearts and sparkles in the world of step-moms and real moms. Thanks for pointing out the obvious! But posts like this only perpetuate the damaging and offensive “Wicked Evil Step-Mom” stereotype and add fuel to ridiculous Step-Mom vs Real Mom battle!
The content of that post was totally appropriate for a coffee/wine date with a bestie going through a bad situation, but was completely unnecessary to post all over the internet.
Now, I am not arguing that all step-moms are great. They aren’t.
As I've said before, there ARE some evil and selfish step-mothers who don’t care about acting “in the best interest of the children”. There are absolutely some home wrecking step-moms who have no respect for the sanctity of marriage and who treat the children horribly and make the ex wife’s life complete hell! But Miss Author, who doesn’t actually have direct experience in these situations and who may only be getting one side of the story, I can absolutely assure you that there are some wonderful step-moms out there who have to deal with ongoing drama, instability, and bullshit on account of an ex-wife, many who were the ones who decided to leave their husband in the first place.
Here’s the deal:
There are two sides to every story.
The truth is somewhere in between.
There are evil step-moms. There are also some evil and bitter ex-wives (who in many situations happen to be LUCKY that their children have a step-mom to step up to the plate). SO let’s stop the generalizations here! At the end of the day the kids are what matter!
So real moms & step-moms, here is the truth! Those kids did NOT ask for this and did NOT sign up for this. They did NOT sign up for two houses, a step-mom, or a step-dad or two sets of toys and two different beds. They DID not sign up for it and they do NOT deserve it! And as much as you think your leaving the kids out of the conflict … They aren’t stupid and can pick up in what’s going on pretty quickly! (Especially if you’re plastering it all over the internet 7 year olds can google you know?!)
So while I am sure everyone is getting a kick out of the blog posts venting about the step-moms or venting about the ex-wives, I have to ask, what good is this doing for YOUR family and YOUR family’s happiness. Are these hateful posts helping YOU move forward in a positive way? I am guessing the answer is No.
Why are we focusing our time and energy on an online step-mom vs real mom debate about who is or is not the wicked b*tch, and not on ways that we as parents, step or real, can learn to co-parent in a way that isn’t going to screw our kids right up?
Think about it.