If you've been following along, you know I"m a pretty open book. I do my best to lay it all out there, while still maintaining a positive spin. Some may say I'm too positive, other's may say not enough. Either way I am who I am. As this blog has evolved, I've learned own it!
My goal here is to simply open up the conversation about blended family life, debunk the stigma that comes with being a stepmom and hopefully inspire some people along the way!
While it may appear that no topic is off limits, there are some things that I rarely talk about online. Whether it be out of respect for my family, because I'm straight up embarrassed or because it's not the right time and place, some topics haven't found their way onto your screen.
Today I thought I'd switch things up and share a bit about some of those topics. Some of these confessions may transform into a full blown blog post, others may never be talked about again. This is just what I have for now.
1. I'm trying to prove to the world I'm not a screw up
Growing up I was a complete sh*t. Looking back, I was angry, upset and had no idea how to deal with it. I was your stereotypical rebellious child of divorce, dealing with some major abandonment issues.
This resulted in some pretty aggressive behaviour. Because of this, so many people in my life thought that I was going to end up no where fast. Or as my cousin once put it, Juvienlele Detention (which isn't as far fetched as you may think)
Even though the purpose of this blog is to provide a support for stepmoms and blended families, there is a part of me wants to prove to certain people that I didn't end up in the slammer.
2. I get social anxiety
Sitting behind a computer, I am an open book. But when I get in situation where I have to meet new people and network, I often get major anxiety. Small talks stresses me out. Until I met my husband I preferred to stay at home on the weekends, for that very reason.
I'm what many refer to as an introverted extrovert.
3. I wish I could do my wedding day over
On our wedding day, a cousin came up to me and asked "isn't this just the best day of your life" - of course I gave the standard bride response, but in my head I thought "gawd I sure hope not"
My head wasn't in the game. I was stressed and worried about what people thought about Darren and I getting married.
Some people though we moved too quickly, that he was too old, that I had no idea what I was signing up for (which by the way, they were right about)
At that point in my life I wasn't confident enough in myself to block everything out. I was oversensitive and spent so much of my time and energy over-analyzing everything! I look back and cringe about how I gave other people permission to have an opinion on my life.
It's funny, now I'm at a place where I just don't care if people like me or agree with my decisions. I don't know exactly what I did to get here but I'm so happy I did. I wish I could go back and plan our wedding as the person I am today.
I could sit here for hours telling you about all the things I would have done differently.
4. I've thought about shutting this blog down SO MANY times...
Including several occasions just this year!
When people see a blogger, they see selfies on social media, they see videos and posts - they don't see the work that goes into everything behind the scenes - and it's A LOT. I've done all this without anyone's help. Only this year have I been able to hire people onto my team, and even still doing that has been a stretch.
I’ve gotten a lot of no’s, had a lot of naysayers, trusted the wrong people.
It's been a lot - and at times has taken it's toll.
Some days, I wish that I could be that wife who makes muffins, prepares delicious meals, has a super organized house and up to date laundry.
The only issue is I have WAY too much to say to be stuck in a kitchen by myself all day... so I keep on going because at the end of the day this phenomenal community makes it all worth it!
5. I wish I could talk more about our journey with secondary infertility
As I disclosed almost a year ago (you can read the post here) we are struggling to get pregnant with our second ours baby (Darren’s fifth child) ...
To be honest when I wrote that post last year, I was sure that we would be pregnant but now. But the universe has other plans. Plans that I can't seem to figure out.
I've love to talk about the ups and downs that this journey has brought us, but my husband isn't on board with sharing our story just yet. He believes some things need to stay between he and I - and I have to respect that. I am an open book, and he is not. At the end of the day I never write anything on this blog that he isn't okay with me sharing (Yes he gave me permission to say that!)
You can read more about the rules I have for this blog and how I respect my family while still sharing my life with the world HERE.
Whew! That's all for now. I'm not going to lie, even though it's a little scary, sharing that with all of you feels pretty damn good!
Until next time!