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Should a stepmom be financially responsible for her stepkids? Here's how we handle finances in our blended family.

 Budgeting meetings always include a cocktail … takes the edge off ;)

Budgeting meetings always include a cocktail … takes the edge off ;)

Oh finances

Finances can be stressful enough when you’re in a first family - then throw in kids from a previous marriage, child support payments, alimony, lawyers bills, financial strain due to divorce, different ideas about where to allocate funds, and moving into the house where you husband lived during his first marriage…  when you’re in a second marriage - the topic of finances can get REALLY tricky.

A few months back I received this note from a reader, about her struggles with finances - today I thought I would answer it for all of you!

Hi Jamie

Thank you for all that you do.

Can you address the issue of finances when your partner has kids and you have none. How do you deal with expenses such as mortgage (I moved into his home, I am not on the deed, and I pay half), the utilities, and especially the groceries. We have the kids 50% of the time (just like you). 

I think that this is an issue that many step-parents/partners wrestle with. I also think that we have a tendency to sugarcoat the issue. There is nothing wrong is saying that "I have no obligation to pay for your children." That said, I still wonder how to go about dealing with finances in an ever evolving situation: Children grow and they will cost more money

I am sure that many people secretly struggle with the issue of finances.

All the best, my friend.

T


First, I want to start off by saying that it’s important to remember that what works for one family, may not work for another family! There are SO many contributing factors that come into play when it comes to navigating finances when you’re a stepmom, especially a childless stepmom.

These include:

  • Financial position of both the stepmom and dad

  • The stepmom’s relationship with her stepchildren - Do you see them as part of their family? How have they accepted you into their lives? For example, some stepmoms think of their stepkids as their own, while others see them as her “husband’s kids”

  • Child support payments

  • How much the children’s mother contributes financially

  • The details of the legal agreement that stipulates Dad’s financial responsibilities

  • How finances were handled when your partner was with his ex (for example, some parents pay for the kids extras like cell phones or brand shoes, while other parents feel like the child should work for these things)

  • The way you view your partnership and marriage

the list goes on

When deciding how to navigate finances in YOUR relationship, it’s important to consider how aligned your views are in these areas. The more aligned you are, the better merging finances will be.

If you’re not on the same page, and don’t believe that you should be financially responsible for your stepkids, then merging finances is probably not the best thing for you.

At that point, you need to sit down and figure out what you will contribute and what you feel is fair. This is an area where communication is key!!

It should be noted that this may be a conversation you need to revisit several times. It may not be an area where you can come to an agreement after just one pow-wow.

I know that some of you want me to tell you how much a stepmom should contribute to the mortgage or to the groceries, if she isn’t financially responsible for the kids, but I can’t. Again, this is a situation where you need to do what feels right for you. I will say, its probably a conversation to have sooner than later, before financial habits and expectations are put into place. Ideally this conversation happens BEFORE you move in.

It may be helpful to start by thinking about how you would split finances if there were NO CHILDREN INVOLVED - then factor in the kids from there.

For example, maybe you split the mortgage (the cost of that doesn’t change based on how many people are in the home) but your husband pays for 2/3 of the hydro and the groceries on the weeks when the kids are with you. This is where the expenses will increase based on how many people are in the house.

If it bothers you that you’re not on the deed for the house or on the mortgage, that’s a conversation to have with your partner as well.

YOU MAY WANT TO ASK:

  • What happens if your relationships doesn’t work out as you ARE helping him build equity in the house.

  • Are you going to be compensated for the equity you’ve helped him build? Is this considered rent? Is there a long term plan?

  • Is it necessary to put something in writing?

The more clear you are, the better! As much as legal agreements makes marriages a little less sexy and way less romantic, they are often important to have in place.

 
Jamie Scrimgeour - should a stepmom have to pay for her stepkids
 

Personally, I’m often asked how WE handle finances in OUR family, so today I’m going to share that as well.

Here’s the HOW and WHY of how
WE handle finances in OUR blended family….


When my husband and I first started dating, I saw that he was struggling in the kids clothing department. With 50/50 custody schedule, he was responsible for getting the kids what they needed while they were with him. Like many fathers who weren’t used to this resposnibltiy during their marriage, the guy didn’t have a clue.

I was actually quite excited to help out in this department, because I have always loved kids clothes. I loved taking them to the mall, or surprising them with a new outfit. Soon I found myself doing a lot of the shopping for the kids.

On the weekends, I’d also often whip to the grocery store to grab something to make for dinner. While I was there, I’d pick up whatever was needed at the house. I loved doing it but it left me STRAPPED for cash in a BIG BAD WAY. (Let me tell you the cost of groceries continues to blow mind! Kids are EXPENSIVE)

This went on for a while, and as much as I loved contributing, it was also quite stressful. I remember one day, I logged onto my online banking to discover that I only have 5 dollars left in my account and that my VISA was maxed. My car payment was coming out the following day and PAY DAY wasn’t for a week.

I felt embarrassed calling my now husband to tell him I needed money, but I had spent my money on his kids.


Don’t get me wrong, he always paid me back, but sometimes we would just forget and the constant writing cheques back and forth got a little tedious.

As I became more involved, this stressful situation happened more than once.

To avoid this, within months of living together, we decided to merge our finances. My paycheques went into his bank account, and all of my expenses came out of it. My student loan and car payment came out of the same account as child support and lawyers bills. Everything was in one.

We’ve never talked about percentages or who contributes what. From day one it’s been this “what’s mine is yours” scenario … and that includes both of our debts and financial obligations.

THAT’S what works for us! It’s NOT what works for everyone.

Guys I have to say, this isn’t a decision I made lightly.

There was part of me that thought “I am giving all of my money to a man”, how stupid am I?!”

I heard my mom’s voice in the back of my head saying “Jamie you always need your own money, you always need a safety net”

We weren’t even married yet!

But we followed our gut, and both agreed that if that either of us felt this arrangement wasn’t working, we would go back to separate finances. No questions asked.

I went into this relationship HEAD FIRST… knowing that it could either be the BEST thing that ever happened to me or that I could get BURNED really quickly. It was a risk that I was willing to take. So far it’s been the first of the two, and I’m grateful for that.

After we had our baby girl, we decided that I was going to stop working in Child Protection and stay home so I can be available for the kids. My husband’s job can be quite demanding, and with the extra curricular schedule and all things “life with four kids” - he wasn’t able to leave work every day to get them to where they needed to be.

We sat down and realized that it was better for OUR FAMILY financially if I stayed home while he continued to work. Essentially, my job is to support him so that he can better support us. (I bet that sentence got a few of you wound up - remember THIS is what works for us)

It’s a team effort - with me being home, he is able to work longer and harder, which ultimately benefits our entire family unit.

I take care of everything on the home front - except for taking out the garbage and cutting the lawn that is! And he handles most of the finances.

This arrangement lasted for a couple years, until I was able to start my own business from home. The truth is, me working wasn’t in the plan. We never intended on me being anything other than a stay-at-home-mom but I was getting bored! I still had this burning desire to help people. While I wanted/needed flexibility to be there for the kids, I was CRAVING more! I also very much wanted to contribute financially.

| SEE BLOG POST: How I make money from my blog |

Now, while everything I make goes in a SEPERATE account for my business, it’s still ours. When I pay myself, I transfer it to our account. There have been many times when I have been the one to pay financial obligations for the kids such as camp, winter coats, etc… It hasn’t changed the way we look at our funds.

DOES IT BOTHER ME THAT THE MONEY I MAKE GOES TOWARDS HIS KIDS?

Personally no. I look at our marriage as a partnership and I see his financial responsibilities as my financial responsibilities and vice versa. I also don’t view the kid’s expenses as his responsibility. I view it as ours. When I married my husband, I also got three stepkids. I am happy to support them in anyway I can.

The reason why this works is that we (for the most part) are on the same page about what we will and will not provide for the kids, and how much we will allocate for what.

Yes, we’ve had disagreements. Yes, there have been heated conversations because we aren’t ALWAYS on the same page, but that’s normal for any family. The PROS of this arrangement far outweigh the CONS.

DO I RESENT HOW THE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBLITIES FROM HIS FIRST MARRIAGE IMPACT OURS?

Look I’d be lying if it hasn’t crossed my mind - so to answer this question, sure I do. With divorces come legal agreements that stipulate certain financial responsibilities including kid’s expenses, child support etc…

These calculations don’t necessarily reflect what the financial responsibilities would be if there were no divorce. I think that there are aspects of the system that are flawed, unfair and unreasonable. BUT guess what… spending my time and energy dwelling on the Ontario Family Law Act isn’t going to change it.

Spending our time and energy thinking about what life would be like, if we didn’t have to worry about some of the thing we do, won’t change anything!

I hate this saying, but “it is what it is”

—-

When it comes to navigating your way through finances, it’s important to remember that A LOT of couples in first families have separate bank accounts and deal with their finances separately.

This isn’t an issue that is exclusive to blended families or stepmoms.

So, moral of the story is if you’re constantly getting into arguments over what is being spent and where… separate finances is the way the go!

If you feel that your current system is unfair, then sit down and talk to your partner about it and get on the same page.

Finances are very personal and people have different relationships with money! You have to do what feels right for you, and is best for your family dynamic.

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PS There is SO much more to cover on this topic! Like I said, finances is a COMPLICATED subject. If you have specific questions, be sure to leave them in the comments - a follow up post is coming REALLY soon!

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20 Tips For Starting A Blog and Building An Online Brand

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Over the last few months, I’ve had a lot of people reach out and ask me for advice on how to start a blog or an online platform. So today, I thought I’d switch things up and share some of my tips for doing just that.

I do have to say, I am both humbled and shocked when people ask me for advice on this – because most days I really do feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants and figuring things out I go. 

That being said, when I sit back and think about it, over the past few years I have learned a lot about blogging and building an online brand. I’m pretty thrilled to be able to share it with all of you! I wish that I would have had someone tell me the ins and outs of this industry when I first started. It would have saved me from a lot of growing pains!

Which brings me to the first point.

 
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We’re all just figuring things out as we go

It’s about trial and error, starting before you’re ready and just going for it.

Even though it may look like the bloggers and instagrammers that you follow know they’re doing, everyone is just figuring things out as they go.

When you’re creating a digital presence, it’s truly is about throwing shhhh at the wall and seeing what sticks!

With that said, the second point is….  

Just Start

Stop thinking about it and just do it. If you’ve been thinking about starting a blog for the past however long, then girl, start the damn blog.

You don’t want to look back on your life with a list of “I wish I would haves”. I know it sounds a bit cliché, but starting really is the hardest part. 

Don’t Give Other People Permission To Have An Opinion

Here’s the deal about blogs and creating online brands. Some people get it, but a lot of people don’t. 

When you start, there will be people who wonder why you are sharing your life with the world wide web. There will be people who wonder why you say the things you do. I know that was and still is the case for me. 


But remember, you’re not doing this for them, you’re doing this for you and your online community. All the most successful influencers have tonnes of stories about naysayers! Trust me! It’s just something you have to just turn a blind eye to.

Remember, you don’t understand everything everyone else does, so you can’t expect everyone to understand why you do what you do. We all have different interests, WHYS and purposes in life.  

Get Clear on Who Your Audience Is

Who do you want to write this blog for? What is the purpose of the blog? What are you trying to achieve? Who do you want to read it? WHAT are you providing your readers? What problem are you solving?

Narrow down your audience as much as possible. The goal is to create a loyal community of followers who come back to your online space again and again. If you’re writing to the masses and trying to appease everyone, then it’s going to be difficult to create that loyalty. 

For example, my target audience for this blog is

  • female

  • stepmom

  • age 28-45 ish (this changes as I age)

  • interested in personal development 

  • often has an “ours baby”

  • lives a balanced lifestyle – likes healthy eating and exercise

  • also likes to enjoy a good glass of wine and a bag of chips

  • Is looking for support and for someone to relate to

  • Is interested in improving their life and willing to do the work to get there

  • appreciates candidness and off the cuff comments

I’m not writing to every stepmom.  I don’t want to appeal to every woman who marries a man with kids. I am writing to stepmoms with certain characteristics.

Sure I have moms, single women, and stepdads who read my content, and I love that. In fact, last night my mother-in-law told my husband that she and all her friends are loving my latest posts (Hi Jacqui!).

That’s great! I love that my content resonates with a broader demographic, but that doesn’t change who I am writing for. I’m still focused on serving the stepmoms who love coffee, wine, and are craving positive change in their life!

Don’t Compare Your Day 1 To Someone Else’s Day 1000

It’s easy to scroll through Instagram, or look at someone’s beautiful website and compare yourself to them. The people with 100K followers of 10K followers have been doing this for a while. Some have teams, photographers helping them out, or people doing their social media for them. They have learned what works and spent a lot of time curating their online brand. 

I personally, look back on the content I created when I first started and cringe. But I shouldn’t. It’s all part of my process, and the truth is, you don’t know what you don’t know. I’m learning new things every single day, and you will too. Just start, get the ball rolling and stay in your lane.  


Understand that it takes time

Writing a blog and creating an online brand takes time and effort. There is this misconception that blogging is just about taking pictures, writing something down and then posting it online. Unfortunately it’s not that simple. Starting a successful blog requires a lot of work behind-the-scenes.

Be Yourself - Don’ Try And Replicate What Other People Are Doing

Too often I see fellow bloggers say and do the exact same things as other people in their niche. They create content that is too similar to others content to be a coincidence. This is the HUGEST mistake ever.

First of all, I think it’s imperative to respect other peoples intellectual property and ideas.  
Second, and most importantly, you will never find success trying to be someone else. You don’t have to do what everyone’s is doing. You won’t find success trying to replicate someone else’s formula.

 
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Be Authentic

I cringe even writing this because the word “authentic” has become this buzz word that is over used and under practiced. 

Still it’s imperative.

Find YOUR voice. Find YOUR style. Stay true to YOUR why!. Like I just said, you won’t find success typing to replicate someone else’s formula. You also won’t find success trying to be someone that you’re not.


Be Vulnerable

Share your story. Own your story.  Be vulnerable. Put yourself out there and most importantly find your own way of relaying the message you want to relay.

In my personal opinion the internet needs less perfection (or people trying to pretend they’re perfect) and more real life, relatable stories. In fact, I believe that in the world of curated picture perfect Instagram feeds, people are craving imperfect people that they can relate to on a personal level.

For example, in my program The KICK-ASS Stepmom Project, I don’t just share tips and strategies for stepmoms. I share how these tips and strategies have changed my own stepfamily life. I also share some of the mistakes I made that have helped me learn these lessons.

The more raw and real the post. The better it does! It’s the story behind the message that people relate to!


Create pretty content

Not everyone agrees, but I think that creating visually appealing content is important. Sure it’s the actual content that matters, but when you have GREAT content that also looks pretty, it’s more likely to get the second look!

Your content represents you! How do you want to present yourself to the world?

NOTE: it is entirely possible to create a visually appealing brand and beautiful content while being relatable to your audience.

“Everything is Figureout-able” - Marie Forleo

If you’re open to it, you have the opportunity to learn to do a lot of things! The other day on the Rise Together Podcast, Rachel Hollis said that in this day in age, ignorance is a choice. Anything you want to learn is online for free.

People ask me who designed my website. I did. Through google, the Squarespace help desk and trial and error I figured it out myself.

When I say google is your best friend I mean it. If you want to know something, google has the answer.

 
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In the past few years, with no education in marketing, business or anything to do with technology,
I’ve learned:

  • digital marketing

  • how to create an online course

  • how to write, design and publish an eBook

  • how to edit photos

  • how to design a website

  • how to create and send invoices and do the accounting for my business

  • how to pitch and negotiate deals with brands

  • and more


… all through trial, error and a lot of google searches.

I’m not saying this to toot my own horn. I’m saying this to show you that you can do it too! Everything really is figureoutable - you really can do this on your own!

Saying “I don’t know how to _______” is not a valid excuse.


Start an Email List

This is one of the biggest mistakes I made when I started my blog. Until recently I never put much weight into my email list because I didn’t want to be that person blowing up people’s inbox (we all get enough spam right?)

Here’s the thing, sure having a following on social media is great. It’s great to grow a following on Facebook or Instagram, and doing so helps with traffic and building a community. But you don’t OWN that following. You don’t own the platform. FACEBOOK does!

If something happens to your account or Facebook changes it’s terms, you’re completely screwed! You’ve lost everything!

Over the past few years we’ve seen major changes in the Facebook - it’s now more difficult to reach followers with a simple post. Instagram, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, is following suit.

It’s common for a Facebook Page with 20 000 followers to only reach 1000 of it’s followers with a post (guys that’s why likes, comments and shares are so important on posts – they boost the algorithm and increase the number of eyeballs that see your content - so always make an effort to engage with people’s content!)

This is why it’s “all in the list”

  • have an option to sign up for your list on every single blog post

  • send out a weekly newsletter with updated content

  • send out a message exclusive to those on your list

  • create a free offer that people have to sign up for - e.g. 10 Tips For Living A KICK-ASS Life

Just make sure you’re growing that list every single day!

Shameless plug – if you’re a stepmom who isn’t on my list yet, you can subscribe HERE!.


Educate Yourself

There are so many phenomenal resources online for people who want to write a blog or do anything online. Jenna Kutcher, Sunny Lenordonzi, Melissa Gryffin, Amy Porterfield and Marie Forelo are among my favourites.

Listen to their podcasts, read their blog posts, take their courses. You will learn SO much… a lot of it is free too!

Dive in and soak it all up. Like I always say,

 
You don't know what you don't know - Inspirational Quotes - 20 Tips For Starting A Blog
 

Attend Blogging Conferences

One the same note, I highly recommend attending blogging conferences. Yes, that’s right, there are conferences for bloggers. Until two years ago, I didn’t know that either.

Two years ago I attended the Mom 2.0 Conference, which that year was held in Florida. It was a huge investment for me, but I figured if I might as well go and see what the fuss was about. I flew down to Florida with a few of my fellow content creators and, guys, it changed everything for me.

I left inspired, with so many connections in the industry and with more knowledge about social media and online marketing than I ever anticipated. I was also given an opportunity that made back my investment x15 I literally cannot say enough about what attending this event did for me, my blog and my business.

Since, I have attended at least one conference a year, in fact this year I believe I will be attending four, even speaking at one!

Engage + Create an Online Community

Respond to comments
Comment on other peoples content
Create friendships and relationships online

1. It’s great to have friends in the online space for mutual support
2. It helps grow your community because like I said engagemet is everything.
3. It’s an amazing opportunity to connect wth likeminded people you would have never connected with otherwise!

Don’t get caught up in the numbers

When accounts you follow have 10K, 100K or even 255K followers, it’s easy to get caught up in the numbers. It’s easy to define your success by the number beside your name.

Often we focus too much on growing our followers, that we forget to serve the followers that we already have. The number of followers beside your name does not define your success! Engage with your community, create content you know they will love, build those relationships and you’ll organically grow.

You want to create a community that comes to your feed on a daily basis to see what’s next, not someone who clicks follow and never thinks about you again!

Engagement is important but don’t loose sleep over it

As I said, the Instagram and Facebook algorithm is a bit of a mess right now, meaning that less people are seeing our content. I will be straight up and say I have severally stressed over the number of likes and comments my photos get. It’s easy to get wrapped up and measure your success by that number.

Do people not like my stuff?
Why aren’t the commenting?
What was wrong with that picture?
Should I have captioned that differently.

Your head can spin!

I know that many people in the online space can relate to this. But we need to STOP. As I write this I have a post on instagram, that for lack of better words is sh*tting the bed. It’s been up an hour and barely has 100 likes. Last week a very similar photo with similar quality of messaging had over 300 likes within the first hour and had the most engagement I’ve ever had.

I could stress. I could delete the photo and repost - but guys, that would be wasting my valuable time and energy.

My success is not defined by the engagement on my photos. The algorithm is absolutely out of my control - and even though people claim to know how to beat it, it’s a wild, untameable beast!

Think of your followers as people

A few months back I got caught up in the numbers game and started to feel crappy about the number of Instagram followers I have. 13K didn’t seem like a lot compared to my industry friends.

But then I stopped and thought about it. 13 000 people follow me on Instagram. That’s 13 000 people I have the opportunity to touch or inspire. Thats almost three times the size of the small town I grew up in.

When you start to think about your followers as real life people, it totally changes your mindset!

People buy likes and follows - don’t be one of those people

Just so you’re aware, a lot of feeds buy likes and follows. You know the people who only have 10 000 followers but have 500 likes on a photo 2 second after it’s posted. Yeah they’re buying.

Scroll through their engagement and you’ll see that the accounts are pretty sketch.

Don’t fall into this trap. It’s easy to get caught up in the numbers, but remember, authenticity always wins, even when it doesn’t feel like you are.

Make a posting schedule and stick to it

Decide how often you’re going to create content and when you’re going to post it on your site and social media feeds. Then stick to that schedule.

For the longest time I resisted this idea, even though EVERYONE told me how important it was.

When I finally gave in an started to post once a week, on Mondays, I saw a huge increase in blog traffic. When you stick to a schedule, your audience knows when to expect new content, and will make a habit of coming to check it out! This is a great way to create brand loyalty and have your followers look forward to your posts.


Create a content calendar

For the longest time, I was flying by the seat of pants with my blog posts. I would create content when an idea came to me and didn’t have any type of schedule or plan in place. I’ve recently started planning my content ahead of time and it’s been a complete game changer. Every month (or every three months) sit down and plan your content for the coming weeks. This way you know what you’re going to write, or what you’re going to say and aren’t scrambling to find something to post.

 
 Calendar via  Lindsay Letters

Calendar via Lindsay Letters

 

Alright that’s a wrap! Confession, it was actually 21 tips, but who’s counting!

If you have any questions or are craving more information on a particular area, let me know in the comments below!

In the meantime, get working on that blog of yours! The only person who can make your dreams come true is you!

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hey stepmom, you need to read this

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hey stepmom, you need to read this

hey stepmom., before you go into another week

This post was originally sent out to my exclusive email list. Every week I send out an EXCLUSIVE email to stepmoms on my list, with tips, strategies and personal stories that never make it to the blog! If you’re not already on the list, you can sign up HERE!


Before you go into another week, I want to tell you something. 

For some it may sound a bit dramatic, but for others, it will be just what you need.

As I’m sure you’ve already figured out, being a stepmom can be HARD. 

You’ve probably experienced emotions that you didn’t know were possible.
You’ve probably felt so overwhelmed by things you can’t control that you felt like you were going to be physically sick.

I get it. I’ve been there. 

During the first year of step-motherhood I was so consumed by my stepfamily stressors that my hands would literally shake. 

There were times that I was so consumed, that I literally couldn’t focus on anything else.  My “to do” lists went untouched and I was a complete freakin’ basket-case. 

It affected the way I showed up for my husband, my stepkids and my daughter. It affected the way I showed up for myself. 

I often: 

  • felt alone

  • like no one in my circle understood what I was going through

  • like I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t

  • like my whole life has been decided without my input

  • like I was good enough until I wasn’t

  • like I had no control

  • like my husband just didn’t get it

Now, I can honestly say that while many of stepfamily stressors remain the same, everything is different.

The stressors no longer affect me the way they used to. I feel confident and in control of my life.

If you learn one thing from my emails or blogs posts, please let it be this.  

It is entirely possible to transform the dynamics of your stepfamily, even the most high conflict situations. It is entirely possible to live a KICK-ASS life amongst all the stressors that come with being a stepmom. 

I’ll say that again. 

It is entirely possible to live a KICK-ASS life amongst all the stressors that come with being a stepmom. 

I know some of you are sitting there thinking to yourself, “No Jamie, you don’t understand. Things are really bad. We’re at the point of no return”

”His ex wife is really __________”

”The stepkids are really __________”

My husband just really ________________”


I DO understand. I’ve connected with and worked with countless stepmoms with co-parenting dynamics that would BLOW YOUR MIND.

Seriously, I’m not BSing you here!

No matter what your stepfamily dynamic looks like, if you want change, that’s on you!

 

Sitting around bitching about how hard being a stepmom is, will NOT make being a stepmom any easier!


You have to change your mindset, your reactions, the way you approach the relationships AND the way you take care of yourself and your family.

It sounds fluffy, and a tad dramatic, but it’s true.

So true that I’ve literally made it my mission to show you how.

 
Hey Stepmom You Need To Read This
 


This is the point of the email, where I should write a whole blurb about how and why my book will help you make that happen for you… but I’m not going to do that..

If you want to buy the book, you’ll buy the book.

If you want change, you’ll do the work to make it happen.

I don’t care if you implement change through the tips and strategies outlined in my resources, or whether you dive into other books like Girl Wash Your Face or The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck: the Counterintuitive Approach To Living A Good Life The only thing that I care about is that you begin to understand that change starts with you.

So really, you have a choice. You can decide that you’re ready for change…

or you can carry on the same way you have been… and wait for your husband to “get it”, or his ex-wife to stop doing whatever it is she does that causes you so much grief.

You can cross your fingers that your stepkids will being to respect you, or that your mother-in-law will start to see you as a parental figure in your stepkid’s lives.

The choice is totally up to you.

I’ve seen how both options play out! I personally choose the first..

But if you’re going with the second option, I want to say just one last thing. You need to know that

You can’t control how other people act, the only thing you can control is your own reactions



Trying to do so, or waiting for other people to see the world through your lens, will be a long frustrating process. One that I am willing to bet, won’t end the way you want it to!

… and I say that with love!

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101 Ways To Be A KICK-ASS Stepmom - Stepmom Support - eBook - Jamie Scrimgeour
 

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All Stepmoms Are Not Created Equal

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All Stepmoms Are Not Created Equal

As a blogger, one of my favourite things to do is sip on my morning coffee and scroll through the latest blog posts from my favourite Blogging Websites.

Facebook, being the creepily perceptive beast that it is, has tuned into this favourite pastime of mine, and tailored my newsfeed accordingly.


However, as I scroll through my newsfeed, sipping on my java, I notice a very clear pattern in the parenting blogging world. 

As I am sure you’ve noticed, social media, bloggers and parenting experts have done a phenomenal (and I use that term loosely) job at categorizing the different types of parents.

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