When I first started this blog I knew I was walking a fine line. I wanted to open up the conversation while still respecting all the people in my life.Just like in our blended family life, boundaries are key.
What I'm saying is that bashing your husband's ex-wife on the internet is not a great idea. It's not going to improve your stepfamily life. It's not going to make things more harmonious. In fact, I'm willing to bet, it's not going to do anything positive for your situation at all! Get a journal, call a friend, or get yourself an appointment with a therapist. Find a healthy way to work through the extra stressors and challenges that come with blended family life, and keep the internet out of it.
I'm pretty sure I raised my eyebrows and quickly turned my head to say "come again?" BUT before the words came out of my mouth, I totally got it. She is our village. Together we are raising these three little people with one common goal. To raise them up into being kind-hearted, giving, hard-working, successful members of Society. Even though co-parenting is not always easy and sometimes we have different opinions, we are a village. When push comes to shove, we have each other's back.
"How old are your stepchildren" everyone always asks.... "I have a 14 year old step-daughter, and step-sons who are 10 and 13" "Ohhhh.... how's having a teenage stepdaughter?" they always respond. Obviously expecting me to report horror stories of dealing with teenage attitude and rebellion.
Five years later, I'll say this. Feeling comfortable in another woman's home is something that can only be cured with time (and a little redecorating) Slowly but surely, I have redecorated and put my touch in our home, while still respecting the memories and traditions that are still important to my husband and the kids.I've cleaned out those junk drawers, organized the storage room, painted walls, purged, donated and put my touch on the place. Five years later, it looks completely different.
The final step was our kitchen .... last summer we took the plunge completely gutted the main space of our house and transformed it into our dream.
The bedroom is where the 'magic' happens...and by magic I mean sex AND sleep and if you don't LOVE your BED or your bedroom you will have less satisfaction in the 'magic' department. SO make the bedroom NEW again. Fresh paint, new bed, new sheets and have FUN with your spouse picking it all out together.
Look, I don't always post nitty gritty details about my own personal struggles, because I am very cognicent about how what I write affects the people in my family. The internet is forever, and I refuse to air my dirty laundry online. But make no mistake, it's not always rainbows & unicorns. From my experiences as a child of divorce all the way to a stepmom, like many of you, I have experienced abandonment, personal attacks, high-conflict situations, heartache and even accusations.